Exhaustion.
For the better part of the last year our band has focused more on playing 2 hr+ gigs, whereas before we had been performing one hour gigs with 3-4 other bands on a given night. I can't do this on top of a normal job, where they expect me to come in and function the following morning. I could as a delivery driver, but not in PR.
Last week we performed two gigs (on top of heading to the Flogging Molly show Tuesday night). There is no doubt in my mind that all that effort on top of my 40+ hour work week has contributed to the flu I am suffering through right now. It's called burning the midnight oil, friends. The fellas and I have been talking, and I think we are halting our weekday marathon Fenbi gigs indefinitely.
New Direction
The reality has not been lost on us, that when we launch into OUR songs you start singing along to the words and jump and dance and get out of control really fast. You don't do that with our cover songs. Which is refreshing. Yet sadly, covers have become more than 50% of our show.
We are going to go with your energy. Your subtle message to us.
We are halting our weekday gigs, will put more effort towards finishing our debut album (which is sounding great), write new songs, and will be putting on weekend shows from here on out. Less than one per month. And when I am talking shows, I mean mini-festivals. Costumes, antics, freaks & geeks, you name it. A different theme every week. It will be a chance for friends to contribute their creativity into the mix. If you have ideas, thoughts, suggestions, or want to volunteer to lend a hand to create some magic let me know. Do you design costumes? Can you make killer props? Can you play trumpet or trombone or tuba? Can you dance in a weird Baba Yaga costume as we perform?
Anything, let me know. I think we're too late for October, so let's try for November.
Where should we do the CD release show?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
notes from the recording studio
Mike and I (this is Todd speaking. . .err, writing) had a great recording session yesterday, despite the fact that I completely overslept and woke up to him knocking on my bedroom window at 12:30 in the afternoon. He walked over to Grand Central Bakery to get some coffee for us, and I got dressed and set up my recording equipment. We finished the vocals on "Two Miles From Home", and then tried various ways to fill some of the empty spaces in the song.
We tried some keyboard parts, but we decided right away that they sounded ridiculous and inappropriate, so I pulled out my guitar and amp and tried some feedback and weirdness instead. That stuff will be great, once it's edited, and chopped, and placed in just the right moments. Mike suggested an ethereal keyboard sound like the one at the beginning of the Elliott Smith song "Angeles", so we listened to that and I said, "Hey, it sounds like when you run your finger around the rim of a wine glass," so we grabbed every different kind of glass I own and spent the next half hour trying every variation we could. We played each one separately, we tried two at a time, and we tried playing multiple glasses at once. We even tried splashing our fingers around in the water in the glasses. We thought we were geniuses until we listened back to the tracks, and cracked up laughing at the results. The water splashing just sounded like someone urinating. It wasn't exactly the ominous soundscape we were hoping for. We scrapped all that stuff, and decided that maybe the song is good as is. Just because there's empty space doesn't mean it has to be filled all the time. Silence is golden, et cetera.
From there, we moved on to "The Perils of Drink," which now has a really good vocal track on it, and is shaping up quite nicely as a pastiche, thanks to Mike's line describing how Orion ran down the street screaming old Beatles songs. I took that idea and ran with it, so we used "We Can Work It Out" (part of which is also a waltz, and is in the same key) as the inspiration for the instrumentation and overall sound of our song. We think you'll love it. FYI, we may be calling up some of you to ask for your help in singing along during the choruses. Just thought I'd put the word out.
After spending time with those songs again, I also have to say that Scotty absolutely ruled on his drum tracks, particularly on "Two Miles From Home." He totally set the tone for the feel of that song, and set the bar high for the rest of us. Hyper-super-ultra-mega kudos to Scotty.
That's the latest from Camp Fenbi about the progress of the recordings. More to come next weekend!
We tried some keyboard parts, but we decided right away that they sounded ridiculous and inappropriate, so I pulled out my guitar and amp and tried some feedback and weirdness instead. That stuff will be great, once it's edited, and chopped, and placed in just the right moments. Mike suggested an ethereal keyboard sound like the one at the beginning of the Elliott Smith song "Angeles", so we listened to that and I said, "Hey, it sounds like when you run your finger around the rim of a wine glass," so we grabbed every different kind of glass I own and spent the next half hour trying every variation we could. We played each one separately, we tried two at a time, and we tried playing multiple glasses at once. We even tried splashing our fingers around in the water in the glasses. We thought we were geniuses until we listened back to the tracks, and cracked up laughing at the results. The water splashing just sounded like someone urinating. It wasn't exactly the ominous soundscape we were hoping for. We scrapped all that stuff, and decided that maybe the song is good as is. Just because there's empty space doesn't mean it has to be filled all the time. Silence is golden, et cetera.
From there, we moved on to "The Perils of Drink," which now has a really good vocal track on it, and is shaping up quite nicely as a pastiche, thanks to Mike's line describing how Orion ran down the street screaming old Beatles songs. I took that idea and ran with it, so we used "We Can Work It Out" (part of which is also a waltz, and is in the same key) as the inspiration for the instrumentation and overall sound of our song. We think you'll love it. FYI, we may be calling up some of you to ask for your help in singing along during the choruses. Just thought I'd put the word out.
After spending time with those songs again, I also have to say that Scotty absolutely ruled on his drum tracks, particularly on "Two Miles From Home." He totally set the tone for the feel of that song, and set the bar high for the rest of us. Hyper-super-ultra-mega kudos to Scotty.
That's the latest from Camp Fenbi about the progress of the recordings. More to come next weekend!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Folklife 2009
Ok - so I know that most of my Seattle friends who come across this note may be insulted to learn that I went to Seattle without getting a hold of them. I am sorry - but I had official business and it's complicated.
Folklife 2009.
My fascination with gypsies began the year after graduating from college, in May of 2004. I was walking around Port Townsend’s local record store called Quimper Sound and spotted a CD with a gnarly woman smoking from a pipe on the cover. The CD was titled “World of Gypsies” and featured music from Hungary, Spain, Poland, Romania, Rajastan, Bulgaria, and several other countries.
This was a period of time in my life when rent was cheap and I could afford to spend money on frivolous bullshit, so I picked up the CD based solely upon the lady on the cover and took it home to check it out. The first track titled ‘On the Waves of the Balaton’ is by a Hungarian artist named Roby Lakatos, and immediately I was hooked. I don’t even know what the instrumentation is but it is one of the most amazing songs I have ever heard. It builds slowly with a beautiful violin piece - I like to picture a beautiful gypsy woman dancing in the trees ... it slowly picks up speed and turns into a ferocious beast with ascending scales, descending scales - all types of textures and various playing styles. I can't describe it - I give up - but it's awesome.
The CD led me to check out a Hungarian band called ‘Teka’ who was visiting Port Townsend via Hungary back in 2005. They played at the Upstage and it was one of the best concerts I have been to ... right up there with Radiohead and the Hives - I aint jokin' jack! Plus, it didn't hurt that the bagpiper was using a satanic looking air bag complete with carved goats heads! I find Hungarian music interesting because they appear to use shortened bows with really fat strands of horse hair (I could totally be making this up) and their music has a pulsating rhythm. Combine the rhythm with the modal scales used to create that edgy gypsy sound and I am in ethnomusicology heaven.
And wondering where all my friends went …
For the last 30-some-odd years Memorial Day weekend has meant the Folklife Festival in Seattle, and I was first introduced to it by my neighbors who had brought me over when I was in my early teens. My earliest memories involve wearing goggles into the hotel swimming pool to check out the ladies (hey, I was like 13).
Buuuuuut .... the first band I saw that I really enjoyed was called the Paperboys – who did Irish/Celtic/Mexican/Pop music. They still play around and come to Portland every so often. I guess they're big in Canada? There was also the Beatles cover band ‘The Seatles’ – who I checked out again this year. My, how they have aged in 14 years! One guy had to sit down even! They were all grumpy and acted as though they were sick of playing the same songs. However, the audience loved it and we sang along (me, among 500 aging hippies). I was also reintroduced to 'Norwegian Wood' which is now one of my favorite Beatles songs.
As an adult I have had some weird times at Folklife. Long gone are the hotels within walking distance and the free meals provided by my friend's parents. The wonderland image I had of Seattle has long shriveled away and I worry about where to park, and I get noxious and lost in the throngs of teenagers. I pay $7.50 for a tiny plate of pad thai made with ketchup - and I remind myself of the 'Horn of Africa' the following day.
In 2005, after breaking up with a girlfriend I decided I would go to Folklife to get away from Port Townsend. Despite my best efforts I couldn’t ‘trick’ anyone into joining me. Apparently saying there’ll be Ukrainian Folk Dancing, a fiddlers showcase, and English Country dancing wasn’t enough to entrance them. After spending an afternoon wandering around by myself surrounded by young lovers in love, I became depressed and ditched the festival to wander the streets of Seattle alone …
This year I used Folklife as a means to an end. And don’t get me wrong … I love Folklife and I have been trying to find someone who would go with me for years.
Friday after work I rushed home and jumped into my car desperate to beat traffic. It took me an hour and a half to go the seven miles from downtown PDX to the I-5 Bridge spanning the Columbia River. Apparently a sedan tried to cut off an 18-wheeler and was crushed.
After passing the accident and making it through the I-5 bottleneck I was driving upwards of 80 mph the rest of the way. I passed most of the time wondering what the f*** I was doing, or hoped to accomplish? In some respects I was an investigative journalist. I had a great lead on a story and had to return to Seattle for more research. The true trick was to stay objective.
I had finally made it to Seattle by 8 p.m. and went to the agreed upon location. When I saw my informant, my heart rolled down through my chest, past my stomach, through my quad, squeezed past my knee, shimmied down my calf, squirted past my ankle, and tumbled into my right shoe where I spent most of the night trying to casually stamp out the blazing fire raging within.
And that is all I am going to say about that ...
... blah blah blah ... stuff ... this and that ... okkkkkkk ... sleep!
When I awoke the next morning there was a terrier the size of a sewer rat on my pillow wearing a full-bodied pink hoodie, and it was licking me. If the hoodie didn't say princess, it probably should have.
At 9am I waved goodbye (to the puppy?) and spent the morning strolling through downtown and the Pike Place Market. By noon I made it back over to Folklife and planned out all the musical acts I wanted to see for the day. I saw some fantastic Italian music in the Bonnie Birch Band – complete with accordions, bass guitars, and tenor and baritone Opera singers.
I then wandered over and saw my precious gypsy music in the form of the Forras Hungarian Folk ensemble. As I watched the accompanying dance I started to wonder how I would have described this scene had anybody joined me.
“Oh … they don’t usually dress like that. Oh – those guys don’t usually do that. This is the first time I have ever seen this ... usually it's wayyyy cooler."
But secretly I am obsessed with other cultures. Hence Fenbi. And my world travel fantasies.
In Hungarian dance the women dress like Russian dolls, and the men wear black vests, white shirts, black pants and have black boots that go up to their knees (is the raging Tom Selleck a given?). The women dance in circles and make interesting and complex patterns with their arms - it's like ring around the rosey meets cats cradle.
However, the Hungarian men act like Orion and myself after we've had a couple extra drinks, sans the Velociraptor. They hop around with shit-eating-grins and slap their legs, feet, and play patty cake with one another. You can google it if you are really interested ... but I was there for the accompanying band. The Forras Hungarian Folk ensemble. They were brilliant and I wonder how we could get them to open for Fenbi??
Despite catching a set of Norwegian Folk Tunes and promising a folksy American band I would return for their set, by about 4pm I started to lose my thunder and I left the festival feeling slightly lonely.
The turn of events gave me the opportunity to drive down to 1st and Lander where I picked up an antique my mom had on layaway for the past 6 months.
When I brought it to her that evening she was so happy and I felt like a champ.
Gotta take care of the moms even when it's not mothers day!
Folklife 2009.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Smashing Pumpkins Archive Subscriptions???
[/caption]I have to admit I was a late bloomer when it came to the rock band Smashing Pumpkins.
My earliest memory of their actual music was probably in '98 when my folks took me to Seattle to buy a PA system for my first band. 'Bullet With Butterfly Wings' came over the radio and I remember thinking the sound was a little 'grungy' for my taste. Keep in mind, when I was in high school I was listening to Herman's Hermits, The Hollies, The Kinks - basically the stuff hipsters listen to now ...
My other early experiences with the Smashing Pumpkins came from the kids wearing their tee-shirts who would also wear all black and have crazy black lipstick or white … blush? I don’t know make-up terminology. My buddy Ahren was also given an autographed napkin all five members of the band had signed.
At the time, I just didn’t care. I hadn’t jumped on board.
Yet something propelled me to purchase the album ‘Adore’ my freshman year of college. While other kids were off experimenting with sex and drugs, I was in the corner of some dark room tasting new music.
The release of Adore has the reputation among the SP elite to have immediately divided the flock. The hardcore enthusiasts were looking for something more like the earlier albums Gish or Siamese Dream whereas kids like me were discovering the band for the first time.
Adore soon became one of my favorite albums. I stopped listening to Herman’s Hermits – and I fell asleep listening to Adore almost every night for a year. The album is pure brilliance.
During the summer after my freshman year of college my roommate was leaving for Europe and needed to get some extra money for his trip. I had the fortune of taking advantage of his need for cash by purchasing his copies of the albums Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and Pisces Iscariot. They too became among my favorite albums. I moved to Gish and even bought a rare B-side compilation.
I bought Machina the day it came out, and when Zeitgeist came out in 2007 I bought it as well.
I remember the day. Scotty and I were on tour with our previous band (in Minneapolis several days before the bridge collapse I might add) and had hyped the album amongst ourselves for the 10 days proceeding the release date. We listened to the song Doomsday Clock over and over and tried desperately to get into the rest of the album. However Zeitgeist was a little extreme for my taste and I personally miss the more musical arrangements.
Adore continues to be the one that draws me back … the melodies … the memories … the rhythms … the dynamics … the lyrics … the places it takes me back to.
Yesterday I subscribed to the brand new Smashing Pumpkins newsletter. It has been created to communicate with fans regarding the tremendous task of going through their archives. I can only imagine how much material accumulates in 20+ years of creating and recording music.
They are considering starting a subscription service for the most hardy of their fans. For say, $300 per year, you could be among the first to hear unreleased tracks, live recordings, etc etc etc. I think this is a very creative way to market and promote your band in your music in the new economy – and in the advent of new social media technologies.
From Frank Quinta:
“I want to expand on Billy's idea of a subscription service that I mentioned in the blog. Going through and finding material that is suitable for release is a very in-depth process. The idea of a subscription service is where you can sign up for a yearly subscription, and in return you will receive a guaranteed number of tracks and releases. These releases will be from all eras of the band. Some items may not be up to the quality of a professional release, and may be rawer sounding. This could mean a track of the band rehearsing that might not sound good enough for the general population, but Billy might say that it would be good for the subscription service. We would put it up because that is the only version of that song. This is for the type of fan that is interested in getting unreleased live and studio tracks. This is the Holy Grail. One example is that you'll pay $300 for the subscription, and we'll give you 200 releases. For those of you who don't want to sign up for a subscription, we'll still sell some material to you, but the subscription members will get it first. If you don't want to purchase anything, we are also looking at distributing some material for free. Basically, if you want to get everything, you want to take a look at the subscription service.”
I will be interested to see how many people can afford a subscription? Will they entice people with a smaller monthly fee? Is there enough of a demand for these materials?
Regardless, I’m just excited because I read they might release an unfinished Adore documentary. For the album that started my long and wonderful relationship with the band Smashing Pumpkins, I welcome that release and I admire the creativity with which they approach this situation and the new climate in the recording industry.
For more information: http://www.smashingpumpkins.com/
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The New Music-World Order ...
As if there is any doubt as to what has happened to music in the wake of MP3's, I was in the kitchen washing dishes when I heard the familiar intro to one of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins songs titled 'Today.'
I turned around the nook and peered into the television and saw good ol' fashioned down to earth American images ... people working hard, fruit off the farm truck - I was starting to think they leased one of their songs to a non-profit organization. Alas, it was a commercial for VISA.
In the 90's this commercial would have been enough to get people on the streets with pitchforks and torches. They'd be hunkering down at SP headquarters and calling them sell outs. I wonder how this commercial makes the band feel? Do they care? Was it a hard decision?
I certainly doubt it. The music industry has changed to such a degree that licensing your music to a big corporation like VISA is just plain smart, and it is the way to go.
Does VISA tying the Smashing Pumpkins make me like their brand more? Not necessarily, but I must admit it pulls at my heartstrings a bit. However, VISA's problem isn't necessarily an image problem - it's the fact that they are selling me a predatory service, charging me ridiculous fees if I am a day late on my monthly payment (of which, the day seems to change from month to month), and giving me an interest rate that isn't in my best interest.
So marketing team of VISA who I am almost certain is reading this, kudos to you. I hope you paid the Smashing Pumpkins well.
And to the Smashing Pumpkins who may or may not have a social media monitoring team - thank you for all the great music and I wish you would come back to Portland, OR and put me on the guestlist +1 because I haven't had a decent job in years and wouldn't be able to afford a ticket if you came to town.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Rick Emerson is moving ...
Well, well, well.
Today I have learned of some very interesting news. The Rick Emerson Show ... a Portland, OR staple and probably the finest thing to originate in this city since old growth trees - is moving on.
I had been hoping they would move to AM 620 ... but they moved to KUFO.
I have mixed feelings. Of course, it is a very exciting opportunity for all those involved ... Sarah X Dylan, Rick Emerson himself, and even Ritchie too. But the best part is that Tim Riley is coming back. I thought he was the greatest even before he was martyred in the wake of his firing.
But the Rick Emerson Show has been a great treat for me over the years. I have listened on and off for three years ... between stops on my delivery route ... between commercials on KNRK and pledge drives on OPB. It's a great show. It is like Seinfeld for nerds. I don't understand half of the crap they are talking about and often times when they get into comic book stuff I tune out.
Today they were talking about watching a bum pissing into a bottle outside their office window and I wished I could casually say into the mic "Must be a worker at the VISO packaging plant." Except I'd be murdered by them since VISO is a major sponsor. I tried it once ... I think I had a sugar-free version or something ... but my meager budget can't afford it and I am just not into that whole scene to begin with.
But other times they are the perfect distraction from my horribly mundane and underpaying job. Of which - I got my hours cut today for doing a "great job." Seriously ... I was thanked for all the leads I had generated in four short weeks, and then told that I created a lot of work for people to follow up on ... and was then told that I could go back to working in the warehouse stuffing envelopes until they came up with something else. Needless to say I clocked out early today ...
But moving on - I am not going to be able to listen to the Rick Emerson Show any more. This is a great career move and I hope they get past it as quickly as they can ... I hope they collect a ton more fans and sponsoring and success and I hope they turn into an afternoon show.
Let's face it ... PDX has NOTHING to offer in the afternoon. No offense everyone ... but I am sick of hearing Joy Division followed by Cake followed by Smells Like Teen Spirit on one station ... Enya followed by Keane followed by John Mayer on another station ... and a bunch of butt rock on the other. The oldies ... they are ok from time to time ... any other AM talkers are just shite. Sean Hannity and Rush and Mark Levine are the worst. I actually signed an underground petition that had over 275,000 signatures that said I would never support any sponsor of Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, or Mark Levine.
I am going to end this blog by giving my top 5 Rick Emerson Show moments:
5. The Oscillating Fan Remix
4. Rick trying to convince the audience he didn't have an opinion in the last election
3. The announcement of the return of Tim Riley, and the move to KUFO
2. The departure of Tim Riley on December 8th?
1. Performing the 'Portland Theme Song' on air with a previous band
Sunday, March 8, 2009
My Crazy Irish Dream ...
Last night I went to bed reading the news about the shooting in the North of Ireland. It occurred in a town called Massereene ... I had never been there but the name rings a bell.
Apparently these two young British soldiers in their early 20's were ordering pizzas, and when the pizza delivery boys opened the door some members of the 'REAL IRA' - a dissident group - opened fire upon the soldiers. They also wounded the pizza delivery boys and then approached the soldiers laying on the ground and shot them execution style.
This is a tragic story for many reasons. First of all, those British kids were just doing what they were told. They were pawns of old fat British lawmakers clinging onto conservative ideals and delusions of the olden days. They were young. They were kids. They shouldn't have been killed.
On the same token, what the media is doing to the perpetrators of this crime is equally horrific. I think this story is being horribly and purposefully framed. The lazy news organizations around the entire world immediately start throwing the terrorism card around without giving us any real investigative journalism. Does anyone ask WHY these people might have shot two soldiers? Does anyone ask WHY British soldiers are in IRELAND? Or, is it just easier to accept it as the status quo ... and is it easier to label criminals and murderers as 'terrorists' because they are upsetting our status quo?
We don't know the full story yet folks.
For example, part of the REAL story is that the British had recently ordered a special unit into the area to spy on the local population.
I think killing and murder is the wrongest of the wrong - I don't care if it is under the guise of war or whatever. But irresponsible journalism is just as bad. And using the word 'terrorism' in situations like this only helps to support an entire system built on a house of cards, ie, the occupation of the North of Ireland.
Look at the picture I attached to this post. I found it attached to an article at CNN.com today. Go ahead and look at it. Versus showing a map of the globe and highlighting where the North of Ireland is located - the media WARP THE MAP to make it look as though the North of Ireland belongs to Britain. They lazily use Google Earth to create the map ... This is the mass media trying to distort reality in order to further the agenda of the British government.
Britain is solely responsible for this so called terrorism and the government should be ashamed for their part in the death of these two boys.
You'd think after so much history - especially that of the 20th century - Britain could have realized one country cannot occupy another country without angering the local population.
Think about recent history:
When America invaded Iraq our leaders told us our soldiers would be greeted as liberators ... with OPEN ARMS. If by open arms they meant 'our soldiers are going to be shot in the face and blown up' then Donny Rumsfeld and the rest of the Bush Administration hit the nail on the head!
When we invaded Afghanistan our leaders told us the population would be so grateful to be rid of the Taliban that we would be greeted with open arms. The Obama administration finally told us the truth which the Bush administration couldn't. WE ARE LOSING IN AFGHANISTAN TOO!
People ... Ireland is under occupation. I have no qualms about saying it. It doesn't matter that the land was seized 600 years ago during a dysphemistically named "War of the Roses." The fact is that while Britain has given over half the world back to their native peoples they remain with their claws sinking deeply into the North of Ireland. Is it proximity? Is it because Ireland has a smaller population and can't throw bodies at the issue as India had once done? It is both of those reasons, and more.
I admit - it is a complicated situation. There are people up in the North that WANT to remain loyal subjects of the British empire. But they are on the wrong side of history. We have seen this before ... the white people in the southern states of America who enacted the Jim Crow laws, for example. Boy, they wanted that PASSIONATELY ... but those bastards were on the WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY.
There are approximately 15 million Irish-Americans in the United States. On St. Paddy's Day there are 300 million Irish-Americans ... it is time we come up with a real solution for that island ... and I think America has to be more involved and I think it is time we pressure Britain to do the right thing.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Pontification Station ...
It's early and I am in the middle of my morning routine - a routine that has become quite nerdy.
I start out reading the headlines from CNN.com. Often times I check out the world section because I like to see what kind of politics are going on in Western Europe. I then go to Reuters to read about financial news (as written by Chinese and Indian interns) - I then go to the Seattle Times web site, the Port Townsend Leader online, sometimes the Irish Times and BBC ... but usually lastly the Oregonian just because I think it is a crap paper and their web site sucks.
But on CNN.com this morning there was an article by senior commentator Ed Rollins. It was his opinion on why the GOP Rush Limbaugh debate was idiotic. As he pointed out, the republican party has a dismal approval rating at this time and they need NEW ideas.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY FOR YEARS!!!
To make things easy, here is my suggestion. If the republican party has an idea, they need to take that idea, think about it, and come up with the OPPOSITE of that idea and make THAT idea their party policy. For example, Bush Administration memos are now coming out that gave the military infinite search and seizure capabilities in regards to terrorism ... a complete slap in the face to the FOURTH AMENDMENT PEOPLE! They need to take the opposite on that policy.
According to bradycampaign.org - approximately 100,000 Americans are injured or killed by guns each year including 20,000 children. For years republicans have fought any effort to create stricter gun regulation claiming it would go against the 5th amendment. Yet we have seen that in practice they don't really give a shite about slapping amendments around the kitchen table so again, they need to take the OPPOSITE on that policy. In addition ... do they really think the founding fathers could have ever foreseen an era where mentally ill people would mow down citizens with automatic weapons on an all but monthly basis! I doubt George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Ben Franklin would have ever said "From my cold dead hands ..." (Aaron Burr might have?)
Finally, for years republicans have been denying global climate change. They see no need to change practices that decimate ecosystems ... clear cut forests, clog rivers with debris, drive cars that get 12 miles to the gallon.
They apparently cannot see the BIG picture ... you know, the one where acid rain falls or salmon returns die off setting off chain reactions or our fishing industry is on the verge of collapse in some parts of the world. Or perhaps the one where we give GM billions of dollars because they made big crappy cars for years and then TODAY claim they still may claim bankruptcy!!! What the F did you guys do with all that money?
Why is regulation bad fellas? If industry is allowed to regulate themselves they have ORGIES of spending, law breaking, lying ... and maybe real orgies too ... buuuut on the taxpayer dime!
I have been saying this for years people - the republican party is the party of jackasses. If you find yourself a little conservative ... say you think fiscal conservatism is good ... or you don't like abortions ... or you think there needs to be more morality in Washington - the republican and conservative movements are not for you ... I'm telling you ... you will only be disappointed!
Cheers.
I start out reading the headlines from CNN.com. Often times I check out the world section because I like to see what kind of politics are going on in Western Europe. I then go to Reuters to read about financial news (as written by Chinese and Indian interns) - I then go to the Seattle Times web site, the Port Townsend Leader online, sometimes the Irish Times and BBC ... but usually lastly the Oregonian just because I think it is a crap paper and their web site sucks.
But on CNN.com this morning there was an article by senior commentator Ed Rollins. It was his opinion on why the GOP Rush Limbaugh debate was idiotic. As he pointed out, the republican party has a dismal approval rating at this time and they need NEW ideas.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY FOR YEARS!!!
To make things easy, here is my suggestion. If the republican party has an idea, they need to take that idea, think about it, and come up with the OPPOSITE of that idea and make THAT idea their party policy. For example, Bush Administration memos are now coming out that gave the military infinite search and seizure capabilities in regards to terrorism ... a complete slap in the face to the FOURTH AMENDMENT PEOPLE! They need to take the opposite on that policy.
According to bradycampaign.org - approximately 100,000 Americans are injured or killed by guns each year including 20,000 children. For years republicans have fought any effort to create stricter gun regulation claiming it would go against the 5th amendment. Yet we have seen that in practice they don't really give a shite about slapping amendments around the kitchen table so again, they need to take the OPPOSITE on that policy. In addition ... do they really think the founding fathers could have ever foreseen an era where mentally ill people would mow down citizens with automatic weapons on an all but monthly basis! I doubt George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Ben Franklin would have ever said "From my cold dead hands ..." (Aaron Burr might have?)
Finally, for years republicans have been denying global climate change. They see no need to change practices that decimate ecosystems ... clear cut forests, clog rivers with debris, drive cars that get 12 miles to the gallon.
They apparently cannot see the BIG picture ... you know, the one where acid rain falls or salmon returns die off setting off chain reactions or our fishing industry is on the verge of collapse in some parts of the world. Or perhaps the one where we give GM billions of dollars because they made big crappy cars for years and then TODAY claim they still may claim bankruptcy!!! What the F did you guys do with all that money?
Why is regulation bad fellas? If industry is allowed to regulate themselves they have ORGIES of spending, law breaking, lying ... and maybe real orgies too ... buuuut on the taxpayer dime!
I have been saying this for years people - the republican party is the party of jackasses. If you find yourself a little conservative ... say you think fiscal conservatism is good ... or you don't like abortions ... or you think there needs to be more morality in Washington - the republican and conservative movements are not for you ... I'm telling you ... you will only be disappointed!
Cheers.
Friday, February 27, 2009
24 Hour Fitness
If you were just counting Orion and Scotty, we may have the most in-shape of all bands.
However, if you throw me into the mix you get a whiny putz with a hamstring injury that had been psyching me out for months.
During the period after my untimely soccer injury (during the holidays) I did not adjust my diet to accommodate the excess calories and lack of exercise. Quite the contrary. In fact, the popularity of our band may have directly contributed to my current obesity ... but that is just a price we pay for being invited to so many parties! And surely I can't be rude and refuse food and beer! As a matter of fact, I like to show just how overtly nice I am by eating and drinking (mostly drinking) everything in sight.
Fast forward a couple months and I am meandering down the street with my belly bouncing over my belt with each step - I am using one of those four pegged walkers with the tennis balls at the feet - which I had stolen from an old lady at the nearby Providence Hospital. My ass is hanging out of the back of my pants revealing a disheveled mass of butt-fur. I am a mess, I have diabetes, and plus in the past week my girlfriend, step-dad, and mom all (lovingly) squeezed that bit o' fat that has accumulated in a place most people might refer to it as "love handles."
I have a love belly too. Nevermind the sixpack, I am walking around with a full keg. Now that Oregon is considering increasing the beer tax by 1800% I figured it was high time I got a 24 hour fitness club membership to get rid of that excess keg, and hopefully save some money on taxes.
Actually, my girlfriend bought the membership and then told me I was going to pay for it.
But I digress ...
So I am slowly learning how to get back into the exercise program. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was a star athlete in high school. I mean, I played some soccer and scored a goal or two ... but I was admired more for my stamina than my actual skill. In fact, I was granted the 'energizer bunny' award multiple years in a row!
However, now I am a pathetic tub of lard. I have been slowly hitting up the 24 hour Fitness. A couple days a week. An hour at a time. The other day I wandered around for 10 minutes and couldn't find a single goddamned restroom so I messed my hair up like a cupid and pissed into the pool, hoping people would mistake me for a statue.
I would have gone tonight if I didn't contract this horrible cold that is clogging my lungs and making it hard to see through the tears welling up in my eyes. Furthermore, I can't even taste this wonderful Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer that is only continuing to contribute to my extreme obesity.
But I digress.
The real reason I came here to write this here post is because I was cruising around my hotmail inbox today and i got an offer from 24 Hour Fitness that I could not refuse. It was to start an account ... earn rewards points for exercising and finding information on their web site. Basically they are cleverly using social media technology ... they are joining the list of corporations creating expensive web sites designed to interact with people, provide a service, and get them to spend their valuable time searching their contents and perhaps spending money at their store. They are genius bastards. This is the type of work I wish I could be doing.
24 Hour Fitness PR Team/Advertising Agency, I know you are reading this blog ... I know I am just a number in some crazy analytics report ... we'll pretend it isn't spying if you hire me. How's that, kitten?
More exciting blogs about my exercise routine to come ... for now i shall drink myself to sleep ...
However, if you throw me into the mix you get a whiny putz with a hamstring injury that had been psyching me out for months.
During the period after my untimely soccer injury (during the holidays) I did not adjust my diet to accommodate the excess calories and lack of exercise. Quite the contrary. In fact, the popularity of our band may have directly contributed to my current obesity ... but that is just a price we pay for being invited to so many parties! And surely I can't be rude and refuse food and beer! As a matter of fact, I like to show just how overtly nice I am by eating and drinking (mostly drinking) everything in sight.
Fast forward a couple months and I am meandering down the street with my belly bouncing over my belt with each step - I am using one of those four pegged walkers with the tennis balls at the feet - which I had stolen from an old lady at the nearby Providence Hospital. My ass is hanging out of the back of my pants revealing a disheveled mass of butt-fur. I am a mess, I have diabetes, and plus in the past week my girlfriend, step-dad, and mom all (lovingly) squeezed that bit o' fat that has accumulated in a place most people might refer to it as "love handles."
I have a love belly too. Nevermind the sixpack, I am walking around with a full keg. Now that Oregon is considering increasing the beer tax by 1800% I figured it was high time I got a 24 hour fitness club membership to get rid of that excess keg, and hopefully save some money on taxes.
Actually, my girlfriend bought the membership and then told me I was going to pay for it.
But I digress ...
So I am slowly learning how to get back into the exercise program. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was a star athlete in high school. I mean, I played some soccer and scored a goal or two ... but I was admired more for my stamina than my actual skill. In fact, I was granted the 'energizer bunny' award multiple years in a row!
However, now I am a pathetic tub of lard. I have been slowly hitting up the 24 hour Fitness. A couple days a week. An hour at a time. The other day I wandered around for 10 minutes and couldn't find a single goddamned restroom so I messed my hair up like a cupid and pissed into the pool, hoping people would mistake me for a statue.
I would have gone tonight if I didn't contract this horrible cold that is clogging my lungs and making it hard to see through the tears welling up in my eyes. Furthermore, I can't even taste this wonderful Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer that is only continuing to contribute to my extreme obesity.
But I digress.
The real reason I came here to write this here post is because I was cruising around my hotmail inbox today and i got an offer from 24 Hour Fitness that I could not refuse. It was to start an account ... earn rewards points for exercising and finding information on their web site. Basically they are cleverly using social media technology ... they are joining the list of corporations creating expensive web sites designed to interact with people, provide a service, and get them to spend their valuable time searching their contents and perhaps spending money at their store. They are genius bastards. This is the type of work I wish I could be doing.
24 Hour Fitness PR Team/Advertising Agency, I know you are reading this blog ... I know I am just a number in some crazy analytics report ... we'll pretend it isn't spying if you hire me. How's that, kitten?
More exciting blogs about my exercise routine to come ... for now i shall drink myself to sleep ...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
FENBI not FENDI
(AS ADAPTED FROM A MYSPACE POST - www.myspace.com/fenbi)
I am trying something new ... versus posting blogs here on myspace I am reactivating our blogspot account ... let me know your thoughts ... if this is just a painfully annoying step or what?
The reason I am doing it is because I want people to be able to find more out about Fenbi via keywords I throw into blog entries. Most entries have certain keywords like "music" and "Portland" combined in nearby sentences so that google bots and yahoo spiders pick them up and increase our rankings in their search engine.
I just discovered the brand 'Fendi' is spending I don't know how much money to put their ridiculous fucking purses higher up in the search rankings than our band. Seriously, try it. Google "Fenbi" and see what happens! Fucking Fendi! I had never heard of their stupid brand and now they are hijacking ours! Course, if they offered a large enough cash settlement to shut me up ... say enough to record our debut record ... I would wear their purses to every show for a year!
At any rate, I should really repost this on our blog because I recently discovered the bots and spiders don't search myspace so I am all but wasting my time.
CASE POINT:
I wrote something about Dave's Killer Bread the other day ... awesome stuff if you haven't tried it ... and he wrote me an email the next day saying thanks! This is the new era in which we live people. Aint it grand?
www.fenbiinternational.blogspot.com
I am trying something new ... versus posting blogs here on myspace I am reactivating our blogspot account ... let me know your thoughts ... if this is just a painfully annoying step or what?
The reason I am doing it is because I want people to be able to find more out about Fenbi via keywords I throw into blog entries. Most entries have certain keywords like "music" and "Portland" combined in nearby sentences so that google bots and yahoo spiders pick them up and increase our rankings in their search engine.
I just discovered the brand 'Fendi' is spending I don't know how much money to put their ridiculous fucking purses higher up in the search rankings than our band. Seriously, try it. Google "Fenbi" and see what happens! Fucking Fendi! I had never heard of their stupid brand and now they are hijacking ours! Course, if they offered a large enough cash settlement to shut me up ... say enough to record our debut record ... I would wear their purses to every show for a year!
At any rate, I should really repost this on our blog because I recently discovered the bots and spiders don't search myspace so I am all but wasting my time.
CASE POINT:
I wrote something about Dave's Killer Bread the other day ... awesome stuff if you haven't tried it ... and he wrote me an email the next day saying thanks! This is the new era in which we live people. Aint it grand?
www.fenbiinternational.blogspot.com
Sasquatch Music Festival
Today I took a gander at the 2009 Sasquatch Music Festival roster and I nearly pissed me-self! What a hell-of-a-great line-up! The only thing missing-is-more-hyphens!
No! Just Kidding! The only thing missing is THE FENBI INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS!
Now, if any one is to blame for Fenbi not being as popular as Blitzen Trapper or The Shaky Hands or even the Builders and the Butchers it is probably me. I am the one that has been changing my ideas and thoughts about this recording process, versus just getting our album out there. We have a fantastic product ... the Fenbi brand has never been stronger ... we have people clamoring for our as-of-yet uncreated products ... and people from as far away as China are writing us letters of appreciation! (Side note, we only recently discovered "Fenbi" is the Chinese word for chalk and apparently if you get over 1 billion people some of them are going to be googling chalk)
At any rate Portland, Oregon's sweetheart darlings THE FENBI INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS are not going to be performing at the Sasquatch Festival 2009 and it is my fault and for that I apologize.
But check out this lineup:
Saturday, May 23th
Kings of Leon / Yeah Yeah Yeahs / The Decemberists / Animal Collective / Bon Iver / Devotchka / M. Ward / Doves / Sun Kil Moon / The Gaslight Anthem / King Khan & The Shrines / Ra Ra Riot / Shearwater / Passion Pit / Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band / Vince Mira / Blind Pilot / Owl City / Arthur & Yu / Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele / Death Vessel / Hockey / People's Republic of Komedy / James Pants / Todd Barry / Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
Sunday, May 24th
Jane's Addiction / Nine Inch Nails / TV On The Radio / The Murder City Devils / of Montreal / The Avett Brothers / Calexico / M83 / The Airborne Toxic Event / The Walkmen / The Wrens / St. Vincent / The Dodos / John Vanderslice / The Submarines / Viva Voce / The Builders And The Butchers / AA Bondy / Fences / Point Juncture, WA / The Red Wine Boys / Zach Galifianakis / Deadmau5 / Natalie Portman's Shaved Head / People's Republic of Komedy
Monday, May 25th
Ben Harper and Relentless7 / Erykah Badu / Silversun Pickups / Fleet Foxes / Gogol Bordello / Santigold / Grizzly Bear / Explosions In The Sky / Girl Talk / Blitzen Trapper / The Knux / Monotonix / Bishop Allen / Black Moth Super Rainbow / Beach House / Mugison / The Dutchess And The Duke / School Of Seven Bells / Horse Feathers / The Pica Beats / Loch Lomond / BLK JKS / Demetri Martin / God's Pottery / Chromeo / Tobacco / People's Republic of Komedy
Unfortunately my friends, the bands I want to see are spread out over all three days (coincidence, I think not) and I can't even afford to go to one day, let alone all three (thanks recession) ... but at least in Seattle I know there is the low cost alternative (free) Folklife Festival ... and while I am not going to go on a rant about how ridiculous it is that we aren't playing there (cause we are the NW preeminent world music band, after 3 Leg Torso apparently) - I will say that I ... lost my train of thought ... shite!
No! Just Kidding! The only thing missing is THE FENBI INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS!
Now, if any one is to blame for Fenbi not being as popular as Blitzen Trapper or The Shaky Hands or even the Builders and the Butchers it is probably me. I am the one that has been changing my ideas and thoughts about this recording process, versus just getting our album out there. We have a fantastic product ... the Fenbi brand has never been stronger ... we have people clamoring for our as-of-yet uncreated products ... and people from as far away as China are writing us letters of appreciation! (Side note, we only recently discovered "Fenbi" is the Chinese word for chalk and apparently if you get over 1 billion people some of them are going to be googling chalk)
At any rate Portland, Oregon's sweetheart darlings THE FENBI INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTARS are not going to be performing at the Sasquatch Festival 2009 and it is my fault and for that I apologize.
But check out this lineup:
Saturday, May 23th
Kings of Leon / Yeah Yeah Yeahs / The Decemberists / Animal Collective / Bon Iver / Devotchka / M. Ward / Doves / Sun Kil Moon / The Gaslight Anthem / King Khan & The Shrines / Ra Ra Riot / Shearwater / Passion Pit / Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band / Vince Mira / Blind Pilot / Owl City / Arthur & Yu / Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele / Death Vessel / Hockey / People's Republic of Komedy / James Pants / Todd Barry / Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
Sunday, May 24th
Jane's Addiction / Nine Inch Nails / TV On The Radio / The Murder City Devils / of Montreal / The Avett Brothers / Calexico / M83 / The Airborne Toxic Event / The Walkmen / The Wrens / St. Vincent / The Dodos / John Vanderslice / The Submarines / Viva Voce / The Builders And The Butchers / AA Bondy / Fences / Point Juncture, WA / The Red Wine Boys / Zach Galifianakis / Deadmau5 / Natalie Portman's Shaved Head / People's Republic of Komedy
Monday, May 25th
Ben Harper and Relentless7 / Erykah Badu / Silversun Pickups / Fleet Foxes / Gogol Bordello / Santigold / Grizzly Bear / Explosions In The Sky / Girl Talk / Blitzen Trapper / The Knux / Monotonix / Bishop Allen / Black Moth Super Rainbow / Beach House / Mugison / The Dutchess And The Duke / School Of Seven Bells / Horse Feathers / The Pica Beats / Loch Lomond / BLK JKS / Demetri Martin / God's Pottery / Chromeo / Tobacco / People's Republic of Komedy
Unfortunately my friends, the bands I want to see are spread out over all three days (coincidence, I think not) and I can't even afford to go to one day, let alone all three (thanks recession) ... but at least in Seattle I know there is the low cost alternative (free) Folklife Festival ... and while I am not going to go on a rant about how ridiculous it is that we aren't playing there (cause we are the NW preeminent world music band, after 3 Leg Torso apparently) - I will say that I ... lost my train of thought ... shite!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
President Obama's Address to the Nation
I decided that I am going to do a step by step blogging account of President Obama's first address to the nation. I sure as hell better ... because I was the guy pulling for the man ever since I heard him speak at the democratic national convention.
So far I am finding it very difficult to type while trying to listen.
So ... here it goes ...
Ahem ...
Clapping ensues....
So far Brian Williams is just bragging about his private lunch with the Jesus ... err I mean the President ...
The chief justices are walking in ...
Beer supply is down to 60% ... might be a problem ... more details to come ...
First lady just walked in ... she is awesome ...
They're talking about Gary Locke ... he is my dawg ...
So far I am sooooooo happy not to see George Bush or Dick-wad-Cheney ...
Hillary Clinton just appeared to have been kissed by Rolan Burris, my sources cannot confirm or deny ...
... so far it is boring and my beer supply is down to 53%.
... I might as well explain my beer supply at this point. I just have two cans. One is almost gone.
... still waiting for Obama ... seen one too many republican faces.
"Madam Speaker"
"The president of the United States"
(lots of clapping)
I haven't seen this much clap since the last Fenbi tour!
So far Obama is looking good. Even republicans are crawling over themselves to kiss his cheek. I think I see Rolan Burris again. Smiling and happy.
I'm wondering who those two old white guys are who are escorting him?
Beer supply down to 50%.
Eye hasn't stopped twitching.
Speaker Pelosi looks hot from this angle.
Beer supply down to 48%.
Her clapping style isn't very hot.
Obama getting ready to talk ...
Obama interrupts Pelosi by accident.
Kinda funny.
It's ok because he's not Stupid George W. Bush.
Can we talk about what they are wearing ... or is that only for the Oscars?
He mentions Michelle Obama and everyone is going nuts ... so far he hasn't really said anything ...
... he has come here to speak frankly to all Americans
... giving details of the recession ... personal stories ...
... says "We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before."
I am noting to myself, the weird things I do when my girlfriend is out of town ...
"It's time to take responsibility for our future once more."
He's now talking about how to pull ourselves out of this mess ... talking about how we import more oil than ever before ... our healthcare is a mess ... and we can't stop piling up debt ... an era where short term gains are more important than the long term .. "
It's hard to keep up.
But what I can say is that he is saying everything I want to hear.
Beer supply down to 45%.
But in a nutshell ... he is talking about actually looking at the long term instead of short term gains ...
... it's about time ...
People are clapping because the American Economic Recovery Act is now law ... republicans still deuche bags ...
The stimulus money is going to broadband, mass transit, and teachers ... not bad. Tax credits for parents sending kids to college ...
Obama is talking about skepticism ... camera cuts to Joke McCain ...
"Nobody Messes With Joe"
He gets standing ovation ... I dig.
Mentions recovery.gov ... where American's can go to see where each dollar goes ...
Talking about the credit crisis ... hopefully he says he is going to annihilate credit card companies that engage in predatory lending ...
... he's talking about how people are afraid to loan and credit has dried up ... is going to restart lending by:
1. Creating new lending fund to help car loans, new business loans, home loans ... oh my!
2. Launched a housing plan that will help responsible families to lower interest rates ... the average family can save nearly $2,000 per year
3. Act with the full force of the federal govt to ensure the major banks have enough confidence to make loans ... and if a bank threatens to fail, the govt will hold those at the top accountable
.... still nothing about rewriting predatory credit card laws ... course maybe that's just me?
beer supply down to 35%
"CEO's wont be able to use taxpayer money to pad their payrolls or disappear on a private jet ...."
... he's still trying to beat it in people's heads that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure ...
Obama is such a breath of fresh air ... he is not lying ... he is not saying stupid shit ... he is being honest and open!
God damnit, it is great to be an American once again!
"It's not about helping banks, it's about helping people."
... I wish people would stop clapping ...
... beer supply down to 32%
Asking congress to reform our outdated regulatory system!!!!!!!
Hell yeah!!!!
Time to punish shortcuts and abuse!!!
Still trying to beat reality into the skull of "Joe the Plumber"
... camera pans to views of smug republicans ...
... he's making inferences to Lincoln, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Kennedy, etc
Budget will invest in three areas:
1. Energy
2. Health Care
3. Prostitution ...
errr wait ... I mean ... Education!
In referencing the green industry "It is time for America to lead again"
Or was it ... LEED again? har har har
* This is starting to feel like a bad idea because I didn't realize how long his speech would be.
*** He asked congress to send him a bill putting a cap on carbon emissions and encourages green energy ... he is the ******* man!
-> On the auto industry ....
"We wont protect them from their own bad practices"
Amen!
"The nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it."
That is encouraging ... I like where he is going with that...
-> On healthcare ...
"By the end of the year it could cause 1.5 million americans to lose their homes"
No sh** mang ... I am 27 and have never had health coverage
"We can't afford to put healthcare reform on hold"
He claims to have done more for healthcare in 30 days, then had been done in the past decade ... true that.
Beer supply down to 20%
There he goes ... he said the budget invests in healthcare reform that encourages prevention!!! Like I said before ... an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
Mentioned Teddy Roosevelt tried to start healthcare reform a hundred years ago ... said it wont wait another week ... plans to work on it next week ...
on the third promise ... we are going to expand on education ...
3/4 of the fastest growing professionals require more than a high school diploma ... half of Americans don't have a degree ... half of Americans don't graduate college ... I'm sorta jealous of kids who are 14 years old right about now ...
Claims to have already made college affordable to 7 million more Americans
"Dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself, it's quitting on your country!"
* By 2020 America will have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world
He knows the price of tuition is higher than ever ... if people volunteer a year of their time he asks congress to send him a bi-partisan piece of legislation bearing the name's of Orin Hatch and Edward Kennedy that will help people pay for college
I guess ...
... I didn't really get that one
Beer supply down to 10%
... he encourages better parenting ...
"Responsibility for our children begins at home"
"We'll eliminate the no-bid contracts that have wasted billions in Iraq"
"We will finally end the tax breaks for corporations that send our jobs overseas"
"We will end the tax breaks for the wealthiest 2% Americans. If your family earns less than 250,000 per year you will not see your taxes increased a SINGLE dime, Bitch!"
I added the bitch!
The recovery plan includes a tax CUT for 95% of working families.
Beer supply down to 5%
"For 7 years we have been a nation at war, mo longer will we hide its price."
He just said the military has our unyielding support ... loud applause.
Beer supply: .00000001%
He plans to raise the pay, and give our veterans expanded healthcare ... how is he going to balance the budget again?
"Living our values makes us safer and stronger"
"The United State of America does not torture, we can make that commitment here tonight."
Jesus - was the past 8 years a bad dream?
I just checked my bank balance ... alllllright
Sorry ... I went to pee and never made it back to my computer because I lazed out on the couch ...
I'm eating some more of Dave's Killer Bread ...
Admiring our country, our president, and thinking about going to the gym ...
So far I am finding it very difficult to type while trying to listen.
So ... here it goes ...
Ahem ...
Clapping ensues....
So far Brian Williams is just bragging about his private lunch with the Jesus ... err I mean the President ...
The chief justices are walking in ...
Beer supply is down to 60% ... might be a problem ... more details to come ...
First lady just walked in ... she is awesome ...
They're talking about Gary Locke ... he is my dawg ...
So far I am sooooooo happy not to see George Bush or Dick-wad-Cheney ...
Hillary Clinton just appeared to have been kissed by Rolan Burris, my sources cannot confirm or deny ...
... so far it is boring and my beer supply is down to 53%.
... I might as well explain my beer supply at this point. I just have two cans. One is almost gone.
... still waiting for Obama ... seen one too many republican faces.
"Madam Speaker"
"The president of the United States"
(lots of clapping)
I haven't seen this much clap since the last Fenbi tour!
So far Obama is looking good. Even republicans are crawling over themselves to kiss his cheek. I think I see Rolan Burris again. Smiling and happy.
I'm wondering who those two old white guys are who are escorting him?
Beer supply down to 50%.
Eye hasn't stopped twitching.
Speaker Pelosi looks hot from this angle.
Beer supply down to 48%.
Her clapping style isn't very hot.
Obama getting ready to talk ...
Obama interrupts Pelosi by accident.
Kinda funny.
It's ok because he's not Stupid George W. Bush.
Can we talk about what they are wearing ... or is that only for the Oscars?
He mentions Michelle Obama and everyone is going nuts ... so far he hasn't really said anything ...
... he has come here to speak frankly to all Americans
... giving details of the recession ... personal stories ...
... says "We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before."
I am noting to myself, the weird things I do when my girlfriend is out of town ...
"It's time to take responsibility for our future once more."
He's now talking about how to pull ourselves out of this mess ... talking about how we import more oil than ever before ... our healthcare is a mess ... and we can't stop piling up debt ... an era where short term gains are more important than the long term .. "
It's hard to keep up.
But what I can say is that he is saying everything I want to hear.
Beer supply down to 45%.
But in a nutshell ... he is talking about actually looking at the long term instead of short term gains ...
... it's about time ...
People are clapping because the American Economic Recovery Act is now law ... republicans still deuche bags ...
The stimulus money is going to broadband, mass transit, and teachers ... not bad. Tax credits for parents sending kids to college ...
Obama is talking about skepticism ... camera cuts to Joke McCain ...
"Nobody Messes With Joe"
He gets standing ovation ... I dig.
Mentions recovery.gov ... where American's can go to see where each dollar goes ...
Talking about the credit crisis ... hopefully he says he is going to annihilate credit card companies that engage in predatory lending ...
... he's talking about how people are afraid to loan and credit has dried up ... is going to restart lending by:
1. Creating new lending fund to help car loans, new business loans, home loans ... oh my!
2. Launched a housing plan that will help responsible families to lower interest rates ... the average family can save nearly $2,000 per year
3. Act with the full force of the federal govt to ensure the major banks have enough confidence to make loans ... and if a bank threatens to fail, the govt will hold those at the top accountable
.... still nothing about rewriting predatory credit card laws ... course maybe that's just me?
beer supply down to 35%
"CEO's wont be able to use taxpayer money to pad their payrolls or disappear on a private jet ...."
... he's still trying to beat it in people's heads that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure ...
Obama is such a breath of fresh air ... he is not lying ... he is not saying stupid shit ... he is being honest and open!
God damnit, it is great to be an American once again!
"It's not about helping banks, it's about helping people."
... I wish people would stop clapping ...
... beer supply down to 32%
Asking congress to reform our outdated regulatory system!!!!!!!
Hell yeah!!!!
Time to punish shortcuts and abuse!!!
Still trying to beat reality into the skull of "Joe the Plumber"
... camera pans to views of smug republicans ...
... he's making inferences to Lincoln, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Kennedy, etc
Budget will invest in three areas:
1. Energy
2. Health Care
3. Prostitution ...
errr wait ... I mean ... Education!
In referencing the green industry "It is time for America to lead again"
Or was it ... LEED again? har har har
* This is starting to feel like a bad idea because I didn't realize how long his speech would be.
*** He asked congress to send him a bill putting a cap on carbon emissions and encourages green energy ... he is the ******* man!
-> On the auto industry ....
"We wont protect them from their own bad practices"
Amen!
"The nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it."
That is encouraging ... I like where he is going with that...
-> On healthcare ...
"By the end of the year it could cause 1.5 million americans to lose their homes"
No sh** mang ... I am 27 and have never had health coverage
"We can't afford to put healthcare reform on hold"
He claims to have done more for healthcare in 30 days, then had been done in the past decade ... true that.
Beer supply down to 20%
There he goes ... he said the budget invests in healthcare reform that encourages prevention!!! Like I said before ... an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
Mentioned Teddy Roosevelt tried to start healthcare reform a hundred years ago ... said it wont wait another week ... plans to work on it next week ...
on the third promise ... we are going to expand on education ...
3/4 of the fastest growing professionals require more than a high school diploma ... half of Americans don't have a degree ... half of Americans don't graduate college ... I'm sorta jealous of kids who are 14 years old right about now ...
Claims to have already made college affordable to 7 million more Americans
"Dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself, it's quitting on your country!"
* By 2020 America will have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world
He knows the price of tuition is higher than ever ... if people volunteer a year of their time he asks congress to send him a bi-partisan piece of legislation bearing the name's of Orin Hatch and Edward Kennedy that will help people pay for college
I guess ...
... I didn't really get that one
Beer supply down to 10%
... he encourages better parenting ...
"Responsibility for our children begins at home"
"We'll eliminate the no-bid contracts that have wasted billions in Iraq"
"We will finally end the tax breaks for corporations that send our jobs overseas"
"We will end the tax breaks for the wealthiest 2% Americans. If your family earns less than 250,000 per year you will not see your taxes increased a SINGLE dime, Bitch!"
I added the bitch!
The recovery plan includes a tax CUT for 95% of working families.
Beer supply down to 5%
"For 7 years we have been a nation at war, mo longer will we hide its price."
He just said the military has our unyielding support ... loud applause.
Beer supply: .00000001%
He plans to raise the pay, and give our veterans expanded healthcare ... how is he going to balance the budget again?
"Living our values makes us safer and stronger"
"The United State of America does not torture, we can make that commitment here tonight."
Jesus - was the past 8 years a bad dream?
I just checked my bank balance ... alllllright
Sorry ... I went to pee and never made it back to my computer because I lazed out on the couch ...
I'm eating some more of Dave's Killer Bread ...
Admiring our country, our president, and thinking about going to the gym ...
Monday, February 23, 2009
Dave's Killer Bread
If you haven't tried Dave's Killer Bread yet, you are a German bag! A deutsche bag, as we say in the industry. It's a world music thing.
Anyway - here is how we know it is great fantastic bread. Last night my gal and I were bored and lazing around the house. Usually this is when I make a run to Plaid Pantry nearby to pick up some candy or beer (for myself). But on this occasion it was agreed upon that we would forgo the candy and go straight to the DAVE'S KILLER BREAD! Jesus Christ, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is.
I have waited so long to try this bread. I had taken many a gander on every visit to Fred Meyer ... but I couldn't get over that $5.25 price tag. That is a shite load for bread ... especially for someone who has been underemployed since last July.
However, I beat up a bunch of squares downtown last night and stole all their money and went to Freddy's to buy some bread!
Juuuuust kidding. That is what the OLD Dave would have done, and he's learned enough lessons for all of us!
If you check out his web site there is this gnarly recreation of his life of old ... his meth dealings and the way he used to beat people senseless for drugs and money. Usually that kind of thing turns me off when I think about potential bread suppliers ... but then I thought how he was mostly beating up other drug dealers so I got over it quickly.
But the guy has a great life story ... and he makes great bread. It's healthy, full of omega 3's and seed and whole wheat germs and all that hippie dippy shite that adds years to your life.
Course, I say that as I am pounding down the Rolling Rock - straight outta old Latrobe! The worst beer in the world except for when it is on sale.
In conclusion, I hope that in the very least the people tracking Dave's Killer Bread and Rolling Rock ... the kids working at some far off PR agency ... can at least enjoy my meanderings and perhaps hunger ... HUNGER for the stuff. The stuff being Fenbi. Seriously, check us out ...
Anyway - here is how we know it is great fantastic bread. Last night my gal and I were bored and lazing around the house. Usually this is when I make a run to Plaid Pantry nearby to pick up some candy or beer (for myself). But on this occasion it was agreed upon that we would forgo the candy and go straight to the DAVE'S KILLER BREAD! Jesus Christ, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is.
I have waited so long to try this bread. I had taken many a gander on every visit to Fred Meyer ... but I couldn't get over that $5.25 price tag. That is a shite load for bread ... especially for someone who has been underemployed since last July.
However, I beat up a bunch of squares downtown last night and stole all their money and went to Freddy's to buy some bread!
Juuuuust kidding. That is what the OLD Dave would have done, and he's learned enough lessons for all of us!
If you check out his web site there is this gnarly recreation of his life of old ... his meth dealings and the way he used to beat people senseless for drugs and money. Usually that kind of thing turns me off when I think about potential bread suppliers ... but then I thought how he was mostly beating up other drug dealers so I got over it quickly.
But the guy has a great life story ... and he makes great bread. It's healthy, full of omega 3's and seed and whole wheat germs and all that hippie dippy shite that adds years to your life.
Course, I say that as I am pounding down the Rolling Rock - straight outta old Latrobe! The worst beer in the world except for when it is on sale.
In conclusion, I hope that in the very least the people tracking Dave's Killer Bread and Rolling Rock ... the kids working at some far off PR agency ... can at least enjoy my meanderings and perhaps hunger ... HUNGER for the stuff. The stuff being Fenbi. Seriously, check us out ...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Poles of Ireland
I was in the shower this morning. It was a morning unlike most others. I was able to sleep in without my mother calling me to ask if I can help her out with a run to the antique mall. In fact, nobody has called me today. It is almost one in the afternoon, and like yesterday, the thought to grab something to eat hasn't even crossed my mind yet. This is often the case for a guy like me.
In the shower this morning I was thinking about the racial tensions between the Poles and the Irish in Ireland. I had just read this article in the Seattle Times about this fugitive Pole who all the Irish police had been looking for. Apparently there was this horrible driver that kept getting pulled over - all over the country from Waterford to Mayo - and it turned out his name was just the Polish word for 'Drivers License.' So it turned out there were many, many Poles getting pulled over for bad driving and when they gave their name - they were just saying "drivers license" in Polish. It sounds kinda weird ... like maybe the Irish need to get more information when they pull someone over, but who am I to judge another culture?
Anyway, in the shower this morning I was trying to create a commercial in my head that could be broadcast worldwide that would demonstrate how much better equipped America is to handle the influx of immigrants and different cultures - no matter what your background.
It was sorta stealing the VISA commercial idea ... where they are like "Pearl necklace $500, Rusty Trombone $37, dirty sanchez $7 - spending your honeymoon in Vegas - priceless." You know that one?
Well, there I was in the shower - and I had already come up with the punch line so I was trying to figure out ideas to support it ... like a bunch of Germans playing accordions showing to an English high noon tea party .... or a bunch of Poles trying to have a Polish wedding in an Irish pub ... and it would cut to the punch line of "Being able to express your cultural identity without getting shot in the face - priceless." And it would be this add for America ... the film would cut to sweeping landscapes or something like that and a voice would come over and say "America - the world's melting pot." It would be an immigration video or something ... or maybe just a PR piece?
And so I was thinking about all this stuff in the shower ... but then I remembered my own experience with Poles in Ireland, and I became quite irate. All of a sudden I didn't want to defend their cultural sensibilities anymore because I was remembering my WORST hostel experience in Dublin, and how it went something like this ...
So there I was in Dublin. I had been there for a couple days and flying out to Europe had been so stressful and so sleep depriving that I had developed a cold core on my lip (they always come about when I am stressed out and sleep deprived.) So far, three days into my stay in Dublin my trip had been a disaster. I was hoping to meet Irish ladies ... hang out with Irish dudes - see all the sights and sounds and make great lifelong Irish friends. But I was so self conscious that I had become the weirdo getting drunk in the corner by myself ... wandering from bar to bar to bar with notepad in hand - writing about my feelings like some beatnik retard American. Afraid to talk to anyone because I was so self conscious.
I was all set to leave Dublin for Kilkenny, when I met this French gal named Marion who didn't seem to care whether or not I had a cold sore on my face. She was super nice and sorta pretty and we spent an entire day running around to free museums and the like - so I decided that I would stay an extra two nights in Dublin versus leaving that night. I was able to extend my stay in my hostel for one night, but the following night was Friday and it was all booked up. So Marion and I walked all over Dublin trying to find a hostel I could stay in the following night. I was rejected by one after another.
Finally we came across a hostel ... a little storefront off the beaten path ... and it was run by a POLISH lady. I asked if she had a bed for the FOLLOWING NIGHT and she was all "Yes, yes, of course - we have great room for you." She asked that I pay her in advance and we left with a feeling of accomplishment.
However, at that point Marion and I had some weird cultural miscommunications going on and I was becoming increasingly irritated at trying to interpret her broken English through her thick French accent. We ended up parting ways with no real interest in meeting up again later.
The next day, wandering around alone again, I stumbled across the 100 year anniversary party of the Irish political party, Sinn Fein. There was a large crowd gathered - I believe it was even in front of the post office where during the Easter Rising of 1916 so many brave men gave their lives in defiance of the British rule. I saw bands perform, and the great Gerry Adams gave a speech in both the native Irish language and the imperialist English that I have grown to love.
Throughout the entire event there was this pungent man standing next to me smelling of many sharp colognes, who kept making observations and taking pictures and sharing them with me. He was shorter than myself and was obviously not Irish. I thought he was from Eastern Europe but it turned out he was Israeli. We chatted for awhile after the event was over and he invited me to go out to eat at some Chinese restaurant called Charlies. It was there he told me about his lavish gay lifestyle and how he was the lead shoe buyer for a major shoe company. We talked about life, love, the pursuit of happiness and afterwords he invited me to his hotel.
In retrospect the invitation was probably harmless but my gaydar was on full red alert and I was afraid of being taken advantage of krav maga style.
We parted ways and I gathered my things and headed to the POLISH hostel for a night of rest and relaxation. I showed up at the door, where the woman was standing in the foyer smoking a cigarette under an orange glow cast by a beaten street light.
"Where have you been?" She looked at me like a cunning serpent ready to strike an unsuspecting mouse.
To make matters worse, I misinterpreted the question. I thought it was like "Hey bro, what have you been up to since the last time I saw you" so I shared all my adventures with her until she cut me off.
"You were not in room last night" she said looking away, taking another drag from her cigarette.
"Oh, well actually I had paid for tonight," I said - fully aware that every other hostel in town had been booked already and if she was booked I would have nowhere to stay.
"Silence! No, you have not paid for tonight! I have note say you pay last night, you have not pay tonight."
Staring off into space she sucked the life out of her dying cigarette.
At this point I set my guitar down and tried to turn on some of my charm. "Well, I think there was a misunderstanding. You see, I came specifically to you last night knowing that all other hostels would be booked up tonight, and I made a reservation for today for that reason." After the words spilled from my mouth I thought about how bad it had just sounded.
"That is not what my note say," she said matter of factly.
It was starting to rain.
"Well, ok then. Do you have any rooms for tonight" I asked, fighting back the anger.
She tossed her cigarette out into the street and looking down on me she smiled like the wicked bitch that she was, and turned around into the building. "Let us see."
We walked into the hostel and I booked another room.
"You do know it is five Euro extra for weekend night?"
"Yeah, whatever, I don't care."
She took advantage of the fact that I was exhausted. My body had that feeling that comes after wearing the same clothes for days in a row. Some people can describe such muckiness as a case of 'swamp ass.' My legs were chaffing from the friction ensued by walking many, many miles. After paying a ridiculous amount for my bunk I went into my room and threw my backpack down onto a weak Chinese made bed frame that appeared stressed to the max from the weight.
"At least the sheets appear to have been washed" I said to myself.
I changed down to my underwear and walked into the shower room. The place was filthy ... I had to walk through a layer of mud created by the bottoms of other people's shoes mixing with the moisture from the shower. Once in the shower there was no way to turn it on without getting that initial blast of cold water. I extended my body as far away from the nozzle and pushed the button for the water. You had to keep your finger pressure on the button to get any water to come out. What's more, the water never got any warmer - it was just ice cold water.
At this point I was shivering ... knowing that I probably wouldn't feel warm again for at least 24 hours ... ice cold from the inescapable spray ... feeling dirty and grimy and disgusting ... I dove head first into the stream and took the coldest shower of my life in the most ungodly expensive hostel I have ever paid for - brought to me in part by the beautiful Polish immigrants who apparently, are pissing off all the Irish of Ireland.
fin
In the shower this morning I was thinking about the racial tensions between the Poles and the Irish in Ireland. I had just read this article in the Seattle Times about this fugitive Pole who all the Irish police had been looking for. Apparently there was this horrible driver that kept getting pulled over - all over the country from Waterford to Mayo - and it turned out his name was just the Polish word for 'Drivers License.' So it turned out there were many, many Poles getting pulled over for bad driving and when they gave their name - they were just saying "drivers license" in Polish. It sounds kinda weird ... like maybe the Irish need to get more information when they pull someone over, but who am I to judge another culture?
Anyway, in the shower this morning I was trying to create a commercial in my head that could be broadcast worldwide that would demonstrate how much better equipped America is to handle the influx of immigrants and different cultures - no matter what your background.
It was sorta stealing the VISA commercial idea ... where they are like "Pearl necklace $500, Rusty Trombone $37, dirty sanchez $7 - spending your honeymoon in Vegas - priceless." You know that one?
Well, there I was in the shower - and I had already come up with the punch line so I was trying to figure out ideas to support it ... like a bunch of Germans playing accordions showing to an English high noon tea party .... or a bunch of Poles trying to have a Polish wedding in an Irish pub ... and it would cut to the punch line of "Being able to express your cultural identity without getting shot in the face - priceless." And it would be this add for America ... the film would cut to sweeping landscapes or something like that and a voice would come over and say "America - the world's melting pot." It would be an immigration video or something ... or maybe just a PR piece?
And so I was thinking about all this stuff in the shower ... but then I remembered my own experience with Poles in Ireland, and I became quite irate. All of a sudden I didn't want to defend their cultural sensibilities anymore because I was remembering my WORST hostel experience in Dublin, and how it went something like this ...
So there I was in Dublin. I had been there for a couple days and flying out to Europe had been so stressful and so sleep depriving that I had developed a cold core on my lip (they always come about when I am stressed out and sleep deprived.) So far, three days into my stay in Dublin my trip had been a disaster. I was hoping to meet Irish ladies ... hang out with Irish dudes - see all the sights and sounds and make great lifelong Irish friends. But I was so self conscious that I had become the weirdo getting drunk in the corner by myself ... wandering from bar to bar to bar with notepad in hand - writing about my feelings like some beatnik retard American. Afraid to talk to anyone because I was so self conscious.
I was all set to leave Dublin for Kilkenny, when I met this French gal named Marion who didn't seem to care whether or not I had a cold sore on my face. She was super nice and sorta pretty and we spent an entire day running around to free museums and the like - so I decided that I would stay an extra two nights in Dublin versus leaving that night. I was able to extend my stay in my hostel for one night, but the following night was Friday and it was all booked up. So Marion and I walked all over Dublin trying to find a hostel I could stay in the following night. I was rejected by one after another.
Finally we came across a hostel ... a little storefront off the beaten path ... and it was run by a POLISH lady. I asked if she had a bed for the FOLLOWING NIGHT and she was all "Yes, yes, of course - we have great room for you." She asked that I pay her in advance and we left with a feeling of accomplishment.
However, at that point Marion and I had some weird cultural miscommunications going on and I was becoming increasingly irritated at trying to interpret her broken English through her thick French accent. We ended up parting ways with no real interest in meeting up again later.
The next day, wandering around alone again, I stumbled across the 100 year anniversary party of the Irish political party, Sinn Fein. There was a large crowd gathered - I believe it was even in front of the post office where during the Easter Rising of 1916 so many brave men gave their lives in defiance of the British rule. I saw bands perform, and the great Gerry Adams gave a speech in both the native Irish language and the imperialist English that I have grown to love.
Throughout the entire event there was this pungent man standing next to me smelling of many sharp colognes, who kept making observations and taking pictures and sharing them with me. He was shorter than myself and was obviously not Irish. I thought he was from Eastern Europe but it turned out he was Israeli. We chatted for awhile after the event was over and he invited me to go out to eat at some Chinese restaurant called Charlies. It was there he told me about his lavish gay lifestyle and how he was the lead shoe buyer for a major shoe company. We talked about life, love, the pursuit of happiness and afterwords he invited me to his hotel.
In retrospect the invitation was probably harmless but my gaydar was on full red alert and I was afraid of being taken advantage of krav maga style.
We parted ways and I gathered my things and headed to the POLISH hostel for a night of rest and relaxation. I showed up at the door, where the woman was standing in the foyer smoking a cigarette under an orange glow cast by a beaten street light.
"Where have you been?" She looked at me like a cunning serpent ready to strike an unsuspecting mouse.
To make matters worse, I misinterpreted the question. I thought it was like "Hey bro, what have you been up to since the last time I saw you" so I shared all my adventures with her until she cut me off.
"You were not in room last night" she said looking away, taking another drag from her cigarette.
"Oh, well actually I had paid for tonight," I said - fully aware that every other hostel in town had been booked already and if she was booked I would have nowhere to stay.
"Silence! No, you have not paid for tonight! I have note say you pay last night, you have not pay tonight."
Staring off into space she sucked the life out of her dying cigarette.
At this point I set my guitar down and tried to turn on some of my charm. "Well, I think there was a misunderstanding. You see, I came specifically to you last night knowing that all other hostels would be booked up tonight, and I made a reservation for today for that reason." After the words spilled from my mouth I thought about how bad it had just sounded.
"That is not what my note say," she said matter of factly.
It was starting to rain.
"Well, ok then. Do you have any rooms for tonight" I asked, fighting back the anger.
She tossed her cigarette out into the street and looking down on me she smiled like the wicked bitch that she was, and turned around into the building. "Let us see."
We walked into the hostel and I booked another room.
"You do know it is five Euro extra for weekend night?"
"Yeah, whatever, I don't care."
She took advantage of the fact that I was exhausted. My body had that feeling that comes after wearing the same clothes for days in a row. Some people can describe such muckiness as a case of 'swamp ass.' My legs were chaffing from the friction ensued by walking many, many miles. After paying a ridiculous amount for my bunk I went into my room and threw my backpack down onto a weak Chinese made bed frame that appeared stressed to the max from the weight.
"At least the sheets appear to have been washed" I said to myself.
I changed down to my underwear and walked into the shower room. The place was filthy ... I had to walk through a layer of mud created by the bottoms of other people's shoes mixing with the moisture from the shower. Once in the shower there was no way to turn it on without getting that initial blast of cold water. I extended my body as far away from the nozzle and pushed the button for the water. You had to keep your finger pressure on the button to get any water to come out. What's more, the water never got any warmer - it was just ice cold water.
At this point I was shivering ... knowing that I probably wouldn't feel warm again for at least 24 hours ... ice cold from the inescapable spray ... feeling dirty and grimy and disgusting ... I dove head first into the stream and took the coldest shower of my life in the most ungodly expensive hostel I have ever paid for - brought to me in part by the beautiful Polish immigrants who apparently, are pissing off all the Irish of Ireland.
fin
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